Understanding the Non-Integrated Self: An Everyday Guide to Inner Balance

Hey there! You ever feel like you’re caught in a tug-of-war with yourself? Like you’ve got a public face, and then there’s a totally different story going on inside? That’s what psychologists call the “Non-Integrated Self”. Sounds a bit of a mouthful, right? But don’t worry, we’ll break it down in plain English.

What’s the Non-Integrated Self?

Imagine you’re at the steering wheel of a bustling city that is your mind. When everything’s working smoothly, the artsy cafes and corporate skyscrapers, they all come together like a well-oiled machine. But sometimes, it’s like there’s a traffic jam – the arts district and the business hub are not playing nice.

Two Sides of the Same Coin

When we talk about the non-integrated self, we’re talking about two parts of us that don’t always agree. There’s the ideal self, the ‘you’ that you aspire to be. And then there’s the real self, the ‘you’ that exists right here, right now. When these two don’t get along, it can lead to stuff like low self-esteem, feelings of being lost, or caring too much about what others think.

Building a Bridge

So how do we get these two selves to shake hands and work together? Step one is recognizing both these parts of you. It’s okay to dream big and want more, but don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back for who you are at this moment.

Therapy Can Help

Building a bridge between your ideal and real self isn’t always easy, and that’s where therapy comes in. Speaking with a therapist, even online, can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, accept who you are, and set achievable goals to become who you want to be.

It’s Okay to Ask for Help

Feeling a bit off? Going through something big? It’s okay to ask for help. There’s absolutely no shame in reaching out to a therapist. They can provide guidance and help you work towards a more integrated self.


Having a non-integrated self isn’t a diagnosis or a flaw—it’s just part of being human. By understanding it, we can better navigate our emotions and lead a more authentic, balanced life. It’s not about erasing our ideal self, but about letting our real self shine just as brightly.


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