Why are so many women hesitant to reveal their sexual desires?
People who identify as any gender or sexual orientation, with the exception of some Ace identities, have difficulty communicating what they want to their partners. Sexual satisfaction is directly linked to the inability or unwillingness to express sexual desires. Some people consider sex a taboo topic, even with a partner.
It is one thing to keep your sexual fantasies hidden and another to not reveal your sexual desires. There is a big difference. There is a difference. But just because someone is aroused does not mean they want to make the fantasies a reality. Wahl 2020, one of the research participants, said that his greatest fantasies and most certain route to sexual arousal was to catch his wife having sex in public with another man. He watched the couple have sex in the bedroom through a partially open door before catching them. This is a cuckold fantasy. However, the would-be cuck didn’t want his wife to have sex with another male. It was pure fantasy. It was pure fantasy. Sexual desire is a motivation to engage in sexual behavior. They may be reluctant to reveal their sexual fantasies as they don’t want it to make things more complicated. Why would anyone not want to reveal a sexual desire they have and are motivated to change the behavior to fulfill it?
Women are not the only ones who are unwilling to reveal their sexual desires. Yet, they are often the subject of research and discussions about inhibited sexual desires. Women have been denying their sexual desires for years because of their sexual scripts. Limitations to actual and perceived sexual expression have been a part of women’s sexual development. Many women still believe they are not autonomous in terms of their sexual power, sexual self expression, or their own orgasm. A study by Sanders, Fu, Dodge and Fu (2019) focused on women’s ability to communicate their sexual desires.
Herbenick et al. surveyed 1055 women aged 18-70+ about sexual satisfaction, sexual communication, and orgasm. Fivety-five percent of survey respondents said they didn’t talk about sex or lust with their partner, despite wanting it. This decision often reduces sexual satisfaction and can be explained by:
- Failing to hurt their feelings (42.4%).
- Not comfortable with the details (40.2%)
- They are embarrassed (37.7%).
- 35%). Didn’t know what to ask for sexually (35%)
- I didn’t want to appear demanding (18.3%).
- It wasn’t important (17.9%).
- Fear of rejection (11.7%)
- I didn’t believe my partner would understand (10.2%).
- Partner didn’t want to believe they were “perverted” (10.1%).
- I didn’t believe my partner was interested in their pleasure (7%)
Significantly, the age group of 18-24-year-olds indicated:
- They didn’t know how to sexually ask for what they wanted.
- They feared rejection
- As they were unsure if they would have another sexual encounter, it was irrelevant to discuss sexual desires.
A relationship was also discovered between faking orgasms and insufficient sexual communication, according to the study. The study found that women who could talk openly about sex were less likely to have fake orgasms. People who stated that they couldn’t talk about sex with their partners due to embarrassment or other reasons were more likely continue to have fake orgasms. According to the study, comfort in sexual communication was linked with greater sexual satisfaction and the possibility of experiencing orgasm. The study’s authors also found that women younger than 40 have difficulty finding their sexual voice or believing they do. The study found that women in their twenties were more comfortable expressing sexual desires than those in their thirties. However, 1 in 5 of the women in the study felt uncomfortable sharing their sexual desires with their partners. 1 in 10 did not feel that their sexual pleasure was important to them.
The relationship between sexual satisfaction, and sexual communication is direct. The Herbenick, and other researchers found that this is true for both men and women. Openly discussing sex can increase sexual satisfaction, trust and confidence. It also increases relationship satisfaction and improves general communication between partners. For strong sexual self-development and overall sexual well being, it is crucial to have open sexual communication.