I firmly believe that couples should engage in premarital counseling for their marriage to be successful. It’s a tremendous tool for couples to discuss some of the pertinent issues that they are going to encounter in their marriage when they are knee-deep in the infatuated kind of love before finally tying the knot.
Premarital counseling helps reduce divorce by 30 to 50 percent. It also helps couples identify the strengths and areas they need to improve to strengthen the marriage. It’s an avenue to discuss important areas of interest in marriage like money, children, and sex. In doing so, couples learn the ropes for establishing a long-lasting relationship; these are effective communication skills and the importance of compromise.
My Husband Does Not Satisfy Me Sexually
This is, but not always, the case when couples fail to go for premarital counseling. Nothing gives them a reason to discuss issues like children, handling finances, and not talking about sex. What happens? One or both parties in the relationship will keep issues bottled up.
Take the example of a couple, Mike and Anne. For years, Anne thought that their sex life would improve. She never discussed the issue with her partner; she only hoped that with time, he’d realize that there’s more to sex than his satisfaction. But he never figured out. She decided the best remedy is to withdraw in a way that protected her from unfulfilled sexual encounters, which damaged her self-esteem.
Mike grew up knowing that you have to speak up if you want your needs met. Meaning he was only responsible for his pleasure and never thought of how his actions impacted his wife. He always assumed that her orgasms were plentiful. The sad thing about this is it happens to most men. A study conducted in 2018 revealed that 87% of husbands reported achieving consistent orgasms, and 43% of men failed to realize how little their wives experienced orgasms. Only 49% of wives achieve regular orgasms. The study also revealed that husbands’ sexual satisfaction depends on how often he thinks his wife is having an orgasm. But according to the report, Mike was overestimating Anne’s sexual pleasure.
Was Mike just ignorant, or was he not choosing to address the elephant in the room? Was he aware of Anne’s frustrations? While the study revealed that a husband’s perception drives their satisfaction, women, on the other hand, reported that sexual communication was the key to their satisfaction. Yet their partners were not aware of how much they achieved orgasms. If partners know the importance of sexual communication, why didn’t Mike know of his wife’s issues? Also, why wasn’t Anne open about her situation? Why does she opt to be silent rather than talk about it?
Why do women fake orgasms? Most women will do this to avoid injuring their partner’s ego, hurt their feelings, or, at times, just to be done with it. Anne faked her orgasms for these reasons and more. Initially, you want your partner to love you so much that you forego sexual desires. You can see how much effort he puts to become the best lover for you, and you feel like foregoing your sexual needs is a worthy compromise. She was also fearful of revealing her sexual desires, so she avoided having that conversation with him. Mike never asked her about sex; all he’d talk about is how good the sex was, and she just smiled. Se did not want to be rejected. She was so frustrated that she resulted to faking the orgasms only so she can be done with it. She knew that Mike was on the lookout for signs that he satisfied her girl, and that’s why she did her best to meet her needs. She was doing it all for Mike, but her dishonesty only harmed their relationship.
Women are faking orgasms. And this causes a problem for the men. They have no idea when orgasm is real. By faking orgasms, women are setting their partners up for failure. A good partner does more of what his woman desires. And by faking orgasms, Anne conditioned Mike to continue doing what he thought she liked and would make her orgasm.
As time went on, they drifted apart. Anne felt more of a burden to the marriage. She felt lonely, and her actions of trying to please everyone else weighed on her. She gave up.
Mike fought back. He yearned for more sex. He felt like his efforts as a provider were not being appreciated. He yearned for the Anne, who wanted her more often; the Anne who made their marriage complete. He though his beloved wife found a new lover, but he never got any proof. He gave up and asked for a divorce because his marriage was over.
What is the point here?
Communication is the currency of all relationships. That’s why couples need to work more diligently to ensure their partners now precisely how they feel. You can do this by opening up an avenue of hones and straight forward communication. Your partner should openly talk to you about sex without being judged. We have a long way to go before the taboo of sex is broken. But talking is the place to start, so talk to one of our therapists today.
